


𝗉𝗍. 𝟣

by donttrusttheb



Series: Why Do I Wait [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Date Night, M/M, breakup angst, first year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:00:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28582377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donttrusttheb/pseuds/donttrusttheb
Summary: this isn't a story about what should or would have been. i'd call it a coming of age fanfiction but i'm not that pretentious. it's pure fanfction. enjoy.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Why Do I Wait [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094315
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	𝗉𝗍. 𝟣

**𝗂𝗍 𝗁𝗎𝗋𝗍 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗁𝖾𝗅𝗅**

* * *

it had been six months since tadashi had spoken a single word to tsukishima since their breakup. he was extremely heartbroken by the breakup, of course, but he knew he couldn’t avoid him totally. they were in the same classes and were on the same team, he had to talk to him. he was grateful the breakup happened on a friday night instead of a school day, so he was able to cry a good tiny percentage of it out before returning back to school on monday. tsukki and tadashi had been dating throughout most of middle school by their second year and into their first year at karasuno. he thought they were fine, and everything was good, but he was wrong. apparently they weren't and tadashi had no clue thing's weren't fine. so what exactly did happen between the sweet pair, who were the definition of both sweet and salty.

* * *

on their way home from a date at the movies, a somewhat chilly evening, a week before winter break. they were holding hands, hand stuffed into tsukki's jacket pocket as tadashi snuggled up to tsukishima's side. nuzzling his nose into his scarf, he couldn't help but let out a shutter.

"it was a really good movie. wasn't it, kei?" a big smile was on his face, really glad they finally had a date night after a while. finals made it hard for them to do anything since they spent most of their time studying and getting ready for second year. since it had gotten colder, tadashi decided to opt out of cutting his hair this time of year, deciding to wait until spring to cut it. not getting a response, he leaned forward see what was up. taking his free hand out of his other pocket, he waved it in front of tsukki's face. "hello, tsukishima kei. anybody home? it's mean to ignore your cute boyfriend, you know?"

this was somewhat of a joke, but tadashi wasn't expecting a weird look to appear on tsukki's face. it looked like he was annoyed and tadashi had no clue as to why it appeared on his face. he thought he was seeing things because as quickly as it arrived, it left just as face when he decided to finally reply.

"oh, sorry. did you say something? i was. . .just thinking about finals and how they went, you know?" a bit of a strained smile was on his face. "was there something you needed? are you cold? want me to get you a hot drink from a convenience store?"

a small smile appeared on tadashi's face, placing a kiss on tsukki's cheek. it was cute how his smart boyfriend was worrying over his finals and how he'd do. "i know without a fact or a doubt that you aced everything as usual, kei. don't worry, relax." he placed another kiss on his cheek, hoping to have cheered him up.

"thanks, tadashi." he squeezed his from inside his coat pocket, the only thing he was able to do. only he knew of the storm that was coming. did he feel guilty? somewhat, but he felt like they both ran their course. "hey, tadashi? what do you think about romantic love? and people after breaking up?"

"what do i think about romantic love and what happens after breaking up?" he was somewhat shocked from the question, knowing that tsukki wasn't the type of person to ask questions like these. he let out a little laugh before looking straight ahead. "um, well. . .love is weird, i guess. you don't expect to fall in love with a person, knowing or unknowingly. it's a surprise all the time and it doesn't make sense, and can sometimes be irrational. regardless of sex or gender identities, it kind of just. . .happens, and i don't get it cause it's the most illogical thing ever, but sometimes. . .and maybe with the right person, it makes sense. maybe the whole time, a short time, i don't know. and sometimes people hurt people in confusion of love, or claim that it's love, when it's not, and it's so fragile. it's so fragile i feel like i can't even compare it to glass, cause glass feels sturdier, like metal, when i compare it to love. and i don't know how to feel about people after a break up, because i've never experienced anything like that, yet. but. . .if that happened to me, i don't know, really. if it's unavoidable, it is what it is. and it's able of being fixed. . .i'll try until maybe it was pointless to even try and fix it if it can't be fixed. but i would like to have a good relationship with my ex at the end of the day. does. . .that answer your question, kei?"

biting on his lower lip, tadashi glanced over at tsukki, who was now looking straight ahead and away from them. he felt his hand being pulled out of the pocket and being squeezed a bit, relaxing his rapidly beating heart that he felt like it would jump out of his chest cavity all on its own.

"and us? what do you feel about us, tadashi?" tsukishima asked, glancing over at the slightly shorter male

"us?" he spoke, speaking it softly as if if he spoke wrong it could break. thinking in silence for a moment, tadashi finally had an answer. "well, i love you. i know that much. i like hanging out with you, and how you get really excited and love dinosaurs. nothing between us has changed besides the labels we placed on each other: boyfriend and boyfriend. it's still friendship, just on a more intimate level." his cheeks were red now, letting go of tsukki's hand as he sped walk slightly past him, squeezing his eyes shut.

"um, well. i really like us, and the way we are, and i hope if you have any problems, no matter how small or large they are, you come to me. but it's fine if you don't, because i can't force you to talk about it, mostly if you aren't ready to. so i'll wait until you're ready to talk about anything and everything, and ope you have enough trust and faith as me as you do." he could hear his heart pounding in his ears, blood rushing so fast he felt like he could no longer feel the cold. at some point, he hadn't realized tsukki wasn't behind him anymore and that he had made quite a distance. stopping in his tracks, he turned back around, dashing back over to tsukki before slowing down once he got closer. "i'm so sorry! i had no clue i went that far, i didn't mean to leave you behind! just forget what i said, it was super embarrassing, and yeah."

tadashi looked down at the ground, pulling on his hat to cover his face up a bit. they stood in silent for a while, tadashi not knowing how long it had been. chewing on his lower lip again, he inhaled deeply before looking up at tsukishima. parting his lips, he was about to speak before being stopped by tsukishima.

"let's break up, tadashi."

huh. . .what was this? this isn't what tadashi was expecting at all. he froze slightly, every single bit of rushing blood in his body quickly turned to ice.

"ah, is this because of what i said? i'm really sorry, i know you don't like it when i say things like that, do you? i'm sorry." he let out a small laugh, tears forming in the brim. was it from the pain or the cold, he really had no clue. maybe it was from the cold, yeah. it was from the cold. it was december, and it was about to snow soon.

"no, that's not it, tadashi. i've been meaning to break up with you for a while now. and i was given a chance to do so properly. i'm sorry, but i think we should see other people."

see other people, he said. eyes wide, he looked down, unable to look at tsukishima any longer. he had no clue where this was coming from at all. was there a reason? he understood that sometimes people just grow distant, but you were able to notice it. he didn't notice it at all. did he neglect tsukishima's feelings? letting out a shaky breath, he forced himself to look back up at tsukki, staring at him in the eyes before speaking in a collected voice. "can you tell me why? and when?"

letting out a sigh, tsukishima pulled down on his hat from the back. "i don't know, tadashi. i really don't. it just feels like we ran our course, and we should go our separate ways. plus, do you even care or love yourself? it also seems like you are more invested into me and our relationship than with yourself. it's starting to feel unhealthy and i was starting to get unhappy."

he didn't know when, he said, but that he felt like they ran their course? and what was this bullshit about him not loving himself? tsukishima knew he had anxiety, it was pretty bad and brutal at times. he could be insecure, but that was because of his childhood of being bullied before meeting tsukki. being on a team with fantastic athletes didn’t help at times, but it was understandable he would struggle at times, but this was ridiculous. but when it came to school and volleyball, tadashi could say with confidence he was getting to a place where he was finding emotional and mental stability. inhaling deeply, he rubbed his hands over his face. there was a bit of a frown on tsukki's face, moving forward to place a hand on tadashi's shoulder. the most shocking part? tadashi didn't allow him to touch him. he pushed his hand away, with an unfamiliar look on his face. one of hurt and a mixture of anger.

"you know, it's pretty shitty to not tell someone who has anxiety and insecure of their behavior so they can correct it to do better, and are you even the one to talk? even to me, you're pretty fucking mean to. like i get it, it's you, your personality, i get it. you don't mean everything you say, even if it's a mean way, but sometimes, i choose not to get upset about the things you say cause i know you don't mean it, but sometimes, it feels very fucking intentional. but i brush it off, because it's you, tsukki. you. but fine. let's break up. because i can't force you to stay with me, because i'm not that much of a selfish person to do so. and i respect your wishes not to argue back on it, because if that is what you were hoping, you are dead fucking wrong."

this was the first time. the first time tadashi really exploded and imploded at tsukishima. he even called him tsukki, a name he rarely called him now a days. he was even able to tell by how stunned tsukishima was, because he had no words.

pursing his lips, tadashi stood up straight before letting out a deep sigh. "goodbye, tsukishima kei. have a merry christmas and a happy new years. tell akiteru and your mom i said hi and that i won't be able to stop by for the holidays." and with that, he ran off. he wasn't going to give tsukki a chance to stop him or anything from walking off. he had no clue how far he ran, and once he decided to stop, he was almost home. what was even worse? it started to snow. the first snow of the season in the sendai region, and he got dumped. letting out a bit of a laugh, he walked the rest of the way home with his head hung low.

* * *

it's been six months since that day, and the third years weren't here anymore. now ennoshita was the team captain, and it took some time to adjust to not having suga hit asahi, or daichi, or even tanaka. it was weird not hearing takana and noya talk and cry over kiyoko, but it wasn't all that bad. hinata and kageyama were still being hinata and kageyama, noya and tanaka were still noya and tanaka, and ennoshita was the new daichi with a bit of suga in him. he was able to smile and laugh again without it feeling or being forced, and after the winter holiday, he acted like nothing happened between him and tsukki. it was pretty clear they broke up, others were able to pick up on it, and tadashi just managed to act and be mature about it. he wasn't going to drag his personal problems and let it affect the team, he knew better, and he showed it.

it's may now, and tadashi grew his hair out longer. he didn't cut it once spring came instead letting it grow out longer. he managed to pull it off and look good. and now it was may 1st, friday. he left school early under the guise of a doctor's appointment, which was actually a hair appointment. it was a two day session to lighten his hair up to platinum blond. then he returned on may 3rd, constitutional day. it was a lazy day, a holiday, and he returned for his second hair appointment after spending countless weeks persuading his mom to let him do this. peekaboo hair dye. it was only the back half of his hair, so it was okay and casual. after two appointments, he was confident enough to say it was platinum blond in the back, and he had bought shampoo to help protect his hair after two bleach jobs. no one was expecting come monday morning, that tadashi would have done a peekaboo hairstyle. but he did, and he felt great afterwards.

normally people would change their appearance right after a breakup, but that wasn’t him. he didn’t have it felt the need to do a peekaboo hairstyle until he saw some other people having the back be platinum blond and wondering if it would look good on him. it did, and everybody knew it. even coach ukai and tadeka were surprised by this. everyone on the team was surprised by this but shockingly enough, yachi and hinata. after his breakup from tsukki, he had gotten closer to the two of them, and felt confident enough to call them maybe his best friends? they hung out a lot, had the same music taste ( though hinata needed help in that department ), and he was even getting along with kageyama enough that he could consider him to be a friend. tadashi was a different person from the person six months ago. it was so scary, tsukishima had no clue if that was the person he even dated since half way through their first year in middle school. he was someone new and different.

_did tsukki make a mistake?_


End file.
